098 - Discernment Is A Gift, Mind Reading Is A Burden

In this episode, I start with something light and fun: a TikTok trend about the top song from your graduation year supposedly revealing how your life is going.

Since I graduated in 1996, that song happened to be “Macarena,” which is definitely not my vibe. But when I asked ChatGPT what that song might say symbolically about my life, the response was surprisingly meaningful, funny, and accurate.

It became this beautiful reflection on learning the dance everyone else handed me, realizing it was never the whole truth of who I am, and slowly choosing to move to my own rhythm.

From there, I move into the main topic of this episode: communication.

Not polished communication.

Not ideal communication.

Real communication.

I share how Cliff and I learned, years ago at a marriage conference, that just because something is clear in my own mind does not mean I have clearly communicated it to someone else.

One of the most helpful practices we learned was to ask, “Here’s what I’m hearing you say. Is that what you mean?”

That simple habit has helped us build strong communication over the years.

But recently, I noticed a new layer.

Cliff had asked me to watch a connect call and later read an email exchange, but I did not know what I was supposed to be looking for. Was I listening for tone? A business opportunity? Something to celebrate? A relational dynamic? Feedback? Discernment?

I realized I needed him to tell me the point.

That led to a deeper insight:

Discernment is a gift.

Mind reading is a burden.

I believe intuition, emotional awareness, and discernment are valuable. But being intuitive does not mean I am responsible for decoding everyone’s unspoken expectations.

Unspoken expectations only lead to failure.

It is okay to ask for clarification.

Actually, I believe it is good, right, and responsible to ask for clarification.

Clarity protects connection.

Clarity reduces resentment.

Clarity gives both people a better chance to succeed.

Clarity keeps us from assigning motives that may not be there.

Clarity is kind.

And a question can be an act of love.

In this episode, I talk about the invisible emotional labor many women carry when they are constantly interpreting tone, silence, facial expressions, moods, expectations, and hidden meanings.

I also share why I am no longer willing to carry the burden of finding hidden context when someone can simply tell me what they want me to notice.

I can still be loving and ask, “What are you asking of me?”

I can still be supportive and say, “Tell me what you want me to see here.”

I can still be present without pretending I understand something I do not understand.

Healthy communication is a shared responsibility.

So my challenge for you this week is to pay attention to how you are communicating in your daily life.

Are you trying to interpret what other people think, feel, and need?

Are you willing to ask them to clarify?

Are you expecting people to guess what you think, feel, and need?

Are you willing to offer clarity instead?

Look for the places where you can ask for clarity or share clarity.

Because healthy communication is a shared responsibility.

Thank you so much for being on this journey with me and for allowing me to share both the silly things in my life and the deeper messages I am learning along the way.

If any of this resonates with you and you would like to discuss it further, please feel free to reach out to me at stephanie@stephanieravenscraft.com.

I would love to hold that space for you.

Until next time, I encourage you to live your life on purpose.